I Am A Fraud

I am a fraud. At least, that's how I'm feeling. 


That I'm all talk and no show. 

• Profess to be a Christian, and yet, feel like I'm barely living a life of faith. 
• Telling others all about our homeschool lives, and yet, barely get through any teaching in a day. 
• Aiming to learn Titus 2,but can't even remember what that is anymore. 
• Learning about web design and still feel like I'm inconsequential in my skills and knowledge. 
• Complain about my weight, signing up for support and just scrape by with the minimum. 

I don't put effort in. I don't put effort into anything. 


Once I posted that I felt like I was a toddler Christian, but I feel like I've regressed. I don't know how to keep pressing on. I know what I believe but I have so little drive or follow through. I begged my Abba for an accountability partner - someone I could count on to hold my hand as I start these steps. someone who would pray for me and with me and I would do so in return. But every attempt for this has failed. 


I try to get up in the morning and just spend time with God - and it's too easy to get distracted and forget or decide to do something else. 


I've lost my focus. I've lost my purpose. I've lost my vision. 


Where am I? Where am I heading? How do I get back to where I know I'm meant to be? How can I become the child of God I'm meant to be. How do I get back to the colours he's told me I'm meant to draw out? How can I find an accountability partner who will come alongside me and support me on my journey?


I want to be real. 


Abba, help me with this.